英語搞笑話劇《孔雀東南飛》
Wander severy five miles
焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)劉蘭芝Lunch(Lforshort)
焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)劉母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)
太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)強盜Burglars(ABandC)
Prologue本文轉自：www.coffbar.com小品劇本，簡歷封面，免費電影
(J作被打狀跑上臺,內砸出壹卷紙筒,J被打中,狼狽不堪)
J:Everybody says that I'm henpecked,but in fact,I’m as strong as a tiger,(小聲)while my wife is WuSong.
(指著上臺處的門大聲道)I’m not afraid of you!
(內砸出壹臉盆,J接住當成盾牌護著頭)Then,I’m afraid of whom?
My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.She is braver than me,
smarter than me and stronger than me.All this I do not care.I only want her to be tender than me.But she is not!Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell(地獄)! (內又砸出壹卷紙筒,擊中J)
MyGod!Who can help me?(下)
Act1
(序幕結束時,JM作竊聽狀)
JM(拄拐棍上):I can!
(對門內)Lunch!Lunch!Where are you?
L(紮著圍裙,拿著鍋鏟,從門內跳出來):I’m here!What’s up mum?
JM:I‘ve told you again and again that you should call me“my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”.
L:OK.My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law,what’s up?
JM:Since you married my son you have behaved so badly.You have been so rude,so brusque,so
lazy……
L:But……
JM:Never interrupt me!
L:Never interrupt me!Since I married your son,that terrible Johnny,I have been working hard all day long,cooking and washing.I have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and……
JM:But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!
L(生氣地揮動著鍋鏟):Oh,you want a grandson,don’tyou?(開始解圍裙)Go and ask your son.I’m leaving!(扯下圍裙,扔在JM的臉上,下)
Act2
(LM坐在臺上打毛線,L拿著鍋鏟上)
L:Mum,I’m back!
LM:You are back?Why?What happened?
L:I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.
LM(驚訝,但隨即露出幸災樂禍的神情):See!I have already told you!When you insisted on
marrying that terrible Johnny,I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor,but you did not listen to me.Look at yourself……
L:But,mum……
LM:Never interrupt me!
L:Mum,I’m not interrupting you.I just want to tell you that you are always right OK? And
I’ll marry whom ever you want me to.
LM(大喜):Nice girl!Just now,I met the mayor’s son in the market.He said:“If your daughter Haven‘t been married,I really really want to marry her!”Now you are free again,I’ll go and tell him.(下)
L(驚愕):What?The mayor’s son?The most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的鍋鏟掉在地上)What a silly thing I have done (下)
Act3本文轉自：
(J睡眼惺忪上)
J(邊走邊道):Lunch! Lunch !Where are my socks? (走了幾步,在地上撿起襪子)Here they are!(聞壹下) Er!How smelly!They are still
dirty! (突然想起)Lunch has gone!I have to wash them myself. (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起來)Oh,I’m so hungry!But there’s no breakfast!(撿起地上的圍 裙)This is what Lunch always wears!I miss her so much,and her excellent cooking skill!Now
she has gone.I have to cook for my mother and myself.
JM(上):Where’s my breakfast?Where’s Lunch?Hasn’t she got up yet?
J:Mum,can’t you remember?Lunch has gone!
JM(沈吟刻):Well,to tell you the truth Johnny,a son without a wife is useless.Lunch is a nice
girl,go and take her back!
J(立正敬禮):Yes madam!
Act4
(J開心地走著，忽然跳出來三個強盜)
A:Hey you!Stop and Listen to us!
The road is built by me!(擡腳重重地踩在壹塊大石頭上)
B:And I planted one tree!(亦擡腳踩在同壹塊石頭上)
C:If you want to go by this street---(欲踩石頭，但踩到了A的腳)
AB&C:Give us all your money!
J(搜遍了每壹個口袋，掏出1角硬幣):Is 1mao enough?
(三強盜暈倒狀，接著三人聚在壹邊商量)
A:What bad luck!This guy is broken!
B:If we can not rob any money today,we will have nothing to eat tonight!
C:I heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry Miss Liu Lanzhi next month.WE can go and rob the wedding!
A&B:Good idea!
J(驚訝):What?What?Lunch is going to get married?It’s impossible!
AB&C:Why?A pretty girl and a rich man,what a good couple!
J:But Lunch is my wife!We haven’t got divorced yet!
(突然有了主意)I’ve got an idea!You are going to rob the wedding,don’t you?I’ll go
with you.You take the money and I take the bride.
B:Have you got any experience?
J:No.But I’ve got this!(J脫下鞋子從裏面摸出壹張支票，上書＄1，000，000)
Act5
(轉眼已到了婚禮之期．MS意氣風發用紅綢牽著新娘上，J蓋著紅蓋頭極不情願地被拉上臺)
(J和三強盜躍至臺中)
ABC&J:Hey you!Stop and listen to us!
A:The road is built by me!
B:And I planted one tree.
C:If you want to go by this street---
J:Give us all your money!
(L聽到J的聲音，掀起了蓋頭)
L(驚喜萬分):Johnny!(不顧壹切地飛奔到J的身邊並躲到了的身後)
(MS大怒，揮拳向J打來．J矮身壹躲，MS打中了J身後的L，L暈倒)
J(火冒三丈):How dare you beat my wife!（揮拳向MS沖去）
(J與MS混戰，JM上，以拐杖擊暈MS)
(J將MS胸前的新郎標誌扯下戴在自己胸前)
J(扶起L，關切地問):Honey,how are you?
L(哭狀):I hurt a lot!
J:Don’t cry baby.I’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)
L(起身去追):Wait for me! (跑下)
(音樂起 Can You Celebrate)
2、英語短劇：小兔子乖乖
時間：陽光明媚的星期天早晨
地點：鳥語花香的動物王國
人物：Little Duck，Miss Cat， Miss Rabbit，Mr Dog
旁白：Little Duck要去看望外婆。壹路上他又唱又跳，高興極了。在小河邊，他碰到了Miss Cat。
Duck：（很好奇）Hello，Miss Cat．Whatre you doing？
Cat：（急得抓耳撓腮）Hello，Little Duck．Theres a big fish in the river．Im hungry，but I cant get it．
Duck：Dont worry．Let me help you．
（Little Duck跳進水裏，壹會兒就幫Miss Cat抓到了魚。）
Duck：Here is the fish for you，Miss Cat．Have a good meal．
Cat：Thank you，Little Duck．You are so kind．
Duck：Thats all right，Miss Cat．I must go now．Im going to my grandmothers home．Bye-bye！
Cat：Bye-bye！
（Little Duck繼續趕路。忽然他看到Miss Rabbit躺在草地上，連忙跑過去。）
Rabbit：（躺在草地上）Oh，Little Duck．I run too fast and my leg is broken．I cant stand up and I cant walk．
Duck：Dont worry．Let me help you．
（Little Duck拿出壹條手帕幫Miss Rabbit包紮好傷口，然後扶著她回家。）
Duck：Dontworry，Miss Rabbit．Youll getwellsoon．
Rabbit：Yes，I will．Thank you，Little Duck．Its so kind of you．
Duck：Not at all，Miss Rabbit．But I must go now．Im going to my grandmothers home．Good-bye！
Rabbit：Good-bye！
（Little Duck唱著歌又開始上路了，走著走著，他看到Mr Dog坐在家門口，看上去非常著急。）
Duck：Good morning，Mr Dog．You look worried．What can I do for you？
Dog：Oh，good morning，Little Duck．I got a letter from my friend，Mr Cock．ButIcantread and Idontknow what he wants me to do．
Duck：Dont worry，Mr Dog．Let me help you．
（Mr Dog笑呵呵地把信遞給Little Duck，Little Duck很仔細地將信的內容讀給Mr Dog聽。）
Dog：（滿意地笑）Thank you，Little Duck．Its really very kind of you．
Duck：Youre welcome，Mr Dog．（擡頭看看掛在半空中的太陽）But I must go now．Im going to see my grandmother．
Dog：（摸摸Little Duck的頭）Dont worry，Little Duck．Let me send you to your grandmothers home．
Duck：Thank you，Mr Dog．
（Mr Dog馱著Little Duck壹路歡歌笑語向外婆家跑去……）