說的是壹個發生在校園裏的愛情故事。壹個男生在宿舍大樓電梯裏邂逅壹個女孩，沒有看清對方卻因為停電被困電梯，結果兩人發生了關系。女孩只留下了內褲不見了蹤影。男孩癡心壹片，要在整幢大樓100個女孩中找到那個女孩。於是他就應聘了大樓的清潔工以便尋找，之後當然趣事連篇，結果也必然是功夫不負。其中最精彩的片斷是男孩站在宿舍大樓面前，面對從窗戶探頭張望的100個女孩大聲宣讀自己的愛情宣言，結果讓女孩們爭先恐後地要當他電梯裏的那個她。
Matthew: Without you, I'm as lonely as an abandoned dog on the side of a highway. I have gift anxiety, even through I don't know when your birthday is. We can spend perfect days shopping and cleaning together. I swear, I'll never make wisecracks when you scrape your tires against the curb while parallel parking. If you consent to live with me, I'll clean the toilet every week. I'll do it with my tongue if you ask. I will strike the words "hooters" and "love rockets" from my vocabulary. I'll love you. Even if your name is Mimi and you want me to pronounce it "May May". I will only pass gas underneath the covers and under the direst of circumstances. Hell, I'll go on a low cholesterol diet. And I won't buy one of those red sports cars when I hit my mid-life crisis. Your parents can come visit us every week, even if your mom is a witch with a capital B. And your folks don't have to go to a retirement home because they can come live with us. I declare, I'll separate the whites from the colors and learn the mysteries of hot and cold water washes. I'll never huff and puff while waiting for you to put on my makeup. If you're a cat person, I'll never point out the fact that a dog can save your life from drowning, but a cat can't. I will happily go see chick flicks with you, like "Pride and Prejudice". I'll make a point to trying new food like okra gumbo. I won't curl my nose at vegetables whose awful taste is disguised by having cheese on it. I pledge to always say "yes" when you ask, "Is my hair looking okay tonight?" I'm gonna bring a whole new meaning to the word "cuddle". I'll be thoughtful enough to read your horoscope every day. I'm gonna save every birthday card you send me! And I'll actually write you real letters when we're apart. I'm never gonna expect you to know where I left my car keys, and I'll never leave my socks on the floor. With me, you'll find the cap is always on the toothpaste. I'll start wearing those bikini style underwear if you like. My belly button will always be lint free. I want to full-on kiss your clitoris. It will be the most passionate, intimate experience you've ever had. I declare now, I will give my life for you. And if you fail to come to me, I know some part of me will surely die.
Rod: Man, keep it easy, and if she's easy, take her twice.
Rod: As they say, she's nice from a far, but far from nice.
Matthew: Men have this anti-intimacy force field around them. It is powered by sarcasm, humor, and aversion.
Matthew: Isn't American cheese appropriately named? It's fake and processed, just like America.
Matthew: It was if I was a perverted Prince Charming. Instead of possessing Cinderella's glass slippers, I had her panties.
Matthew: And on of them is my true love, my forever soul mate, the Betty to my Barney, my kismetic destiny. The problem is I don't know who she is.
Matthew: It must have been the cloak of darkness concealing my usual romantic retardation, because that night, I was smart. I was funny. I was invincible.
Matthew: I think the only 'ists' there should be are humanists.
Patty: In High School, you would have called me a slut. Now, in College, you call me a good time.
Patty: There's a certain way a man stares at a woman he loves. The man looks like a boy on his birthday. And he treats the woman as if she were a gift that he's wanted so long to open and now he can't wait to see what the treasure is inside.
Matthew: There are no clearly defined rules between men and women. So, each side thinks they're playing fair and each side thinks they're being cheated. Maybe, this is why men and women have the innate ability to bring out the poison in one another.
Matthew: I've seen you around. You're a natural born hipster.
Crick: Natural born hipster?
Matthew: Yeah. The next evolution of a jock. You traded in your letterman jacket for a manicured goatee and a Eurotrash ponytail. You're the worst kind of cool. You're the kind of guy who wears male make-up. A real fashion plate. You're proof that those boy-toy doofuses in those men's magazines are all rump rangers.
Dora, the Smart Girl: I know what's in store for me. No one will ever have passion for me. People all around me will be falling in love, and making love, and getting married and having kids. The closest thing I'll ever have to that is someone inviting me to their Christmas dinner because they feel guilty I might be spending the holiday alone. Or if I'm lucky, my male counterpart, an obese man or guy with a harelip, will invite me to coffee; and we'll pretend to love each other and tie the knot because we're so desperately afraid of growing old alone.
Matthew: [upon seeing Crick knocking on Patty's door, and shouting her name] You are not going to bother her again!
Crick: You, go to hell!
Matthew: I am turning you in.
Crick: What for?
Matthew: You sexually assaulted me.
[Crick gave a sign of disbelief, so Matthew showed him the tongue he bit off him days before]
Crick: You'll never gonna prove it