經典英語話劇劇本 （壹）
演員表：
西門吹雪
葉孤城
花滿樓
king
旁白
道具：牛奶兩袋，匕首壹把，戒子壹枚，紙屑若幹。
第壹幕：決戰紫荊城之顛
旁白：A quiet villageiscoveredwithwhitesnow .
Birdsaredancinginthecold .
Amaniswalkingalongthestreet ,stepbystep .
Windiscominginsilence.
Another mysteriousmanapproaches .
Y與X相遇。
X:oH ,Iamsorrytoknockyou !
Y:Haha, Nevermindbaybay.
X:Excuseme, whoareyouonearth? couldyoutellmeyourname?
Y:ha ha ,Iwon’tchangemyname! nomatterwhathappens. I’mthemostfamous-------YeGucheng. Whoareyou?
X:Iamximenchuixue.
Y驚訝：Ar, ximenchui xue?
X:Yes,whatiswrong?
Y:IheardthatyouarethebestingMartialArts?
X:Great, youknowme !
Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’tkillme! letmeyougo!
X:No, Imustkillyou !
Y:Idon''''''''''''''''twanttobekilled.Thereare aeighty-year-oldmotheandathree-yearold sontobelookedafterbyme!
X:Noway! Becausewearefightingnow!youknow?
Y突然站起冷冷的說：Don''''''''''''''''t forceme!
X:Pardon!
（Y拿出壹袋牛奶）
X搶過牛奶：milk, verygood! Ilikedrinkingit. howdoyouknowthat?
Y:pleasedrinkit!
X喝完牛奶：Thanks, ha,ha
Y:Doyoustillwanttokillme?
X:Sure, must! milkismilk.
Y（惱怒+冷酷）：Verygood! verygood! Ihopeyouwillnotforgetwhatyousaid!?
X:I’msureIwon’t!
Y:Imustgiveyoualesson!IfIdon''''''''''''''''tbeatyourthistime, you’llneverbehaveproperly!3-2-1-0!
X捂著肚子，蹲下：Oach,Oach !
Y大笑：HaHa……
X可憐狀： help! help! Whereisthewashroom?
Y:What ?
X:Toliet?
Y:What ?
X:The "WC"?
Y:Oh,I see ,goalongthisstreetandturnrightwhenyouseeacorssingroad!
X:Thanks,byebye.
Y掏出紙屑吹：Thisisgenuirnesnow!
H:Stop!Protectingtheenvironmentisabasicobligation!
Y:Whoareyou?
H:Hua---man----lou! Haveyouseenximenchuixue?
Y:Yes, hewasbeatenbymeandisin"WC" now,ha……
H驚訝：Nowyouarethebestintheworld!
Y:Youareright!
H:Teriffic!youaretheonemykinglookingfor! doyouwantjoininus?
Y:Yes,It’sverygood.
H:Ok, followme, Let’sgotoseemyking!
Y:Ok,Let’s go!
第二幕：無間道
H:Mydearest ! letmeintroduce yeguchengtoyou! （指Y） thisisyegucheng.
K:sitdownplese, yegucheng.
H走到Y前，《婚禮進行曲》起，H神甫狀：Yegucheng! Doyouwanttofollowmykingnomatterwhathappenssuchascold headache,sair and aids?
Y: Yes,Ido.
K: Huamanlou, come . puttheringonhisfinger!（音樂停）
X唱著上：Onlyyou……（看到戒子） thisringshouldbemine!
K:Butwhoareyou? whyshoulditbelongyou?
Y急切： king! dearking!Imustgonow,mybrotherislookingforme!huoxi（維語再見）
K:huoxi? Whatdoesthatmean? ItisnotEnglish, isn’t it ?
Y:How clever……
X冷酷：yegucheng! comehere!Iwanttotellyousomething!
Y抱X的腿：oldbrother ! Forgiveme!
X:Forgiveme? Why?
Y: Oncetherewasachangebeforeme,Ilostit. Ifthegodgivemeantherchance, I’lltellyou"I love you",Iftheremustbea limited period,Ihopeitisthousandyear!
X:Youshall cheat me!all you did are wrong!how can youtell thelady’s"WC"!
Y:Ilikegoinglady’s WC .I……I……IthinkthatyoulikewhatIlike.（Y又拿出壹袋牛奶）
X: m-i-l-k?haha, ayixidailu!（我愛妳的意思）
K: ayixidailu?What’sthemeaning? whyIalsocan’tunderstandyou?
X:Youarestupid! Itmeans"I love you".
K:Don’t saythat"you love me". I’llkillyouforyousayingdirtywordtome!
X:What? （側耳裝著聽不到） You---kill----me?come, come…（X上去抓住K）
K:Fuckyou. Imustkillyou!
X:Howcanyoukillme? haha……
Y:Letmehaveatry! 3-2-1-0（X捂著肚子，蹲下）
K: thankyouverymuch, yousaveme. Now, I’llgiveyoutheticketforAmericantoletyou
haveavacation.
Y:That’s good. butthereisonemorething. canyougivemea MM ?IwanttogoAmericanwithher.
K:ofcouse.Youaretheonewhohasthesimilartastewithme! Hahaha……小品劇本大全 www.coffbar.com
Y:Hahaha-----
H:Where’ssomewhere?
K:What?
Y:Doyouwanttogolady’s"WC"?
X:Yes,I……I…… do.
H頂著搖頭：X,no, no, youcan’tgotoLady’s "WC". Thatisnottheplacewhereyoucangointo ! becauseyouareX ! youarethe bestmanofChinesekongfu!
X: whatifI’mthebestintheword? !whyItrymybesttolivebutI’mstillsomiserable ? whencanIgetmyfreedom? mustbethedeadday ? !
K: youareright. onewillnotbecleveruntilthedayhedie. Inthatcase ,whywill you die in such a bad sorrow way !gointo theLady’s WC , thendie , comfortablly ! goahead !
H: you , stupid , bad behavior ! goaway !
K; why ? whydoyouhelphim ! whoacturallyareyou ?
H: myreal name isLuXiaofeng------the wifeofX .I’maspy.
K驚訝： !you---you---YouareLuXiaofeng ? X’wife ?
Y: Ihavealreadyrecognizedyou . atricker ! doyouknow, youarethefirst person who cheated me ! because of you ,Ideeide never believe anyone else ,including myself .you have destroyed my looking for you for many years ,just for today ! （輕聲說）Xwilldie ,goandseehim ,please .
H撲倒在X的身邊：X,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope inthe fature and tomorrow is a goodbeginning !
K:what amoving story !I was impressed !
Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !
H: life isa progress ,and it is delight that itneedn’t resume !
（H忽然將壹把匕首插進Y的心臟，K嚇跑。音樂《再見，警察》起）
Y痛苦狀：don’tleave me here , you know I love you and I have nothing except you now ,please notabandon me !realizethat I’m wrong .help me,I intend to be back ,helpme ,I keyyou ,beg you------help me . I’ll never dothat again !（Y死，音樂停）
（X咳，H撲到身邊，電影《我的父親母親》原聲音樂起）
H: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .
X:gohome ! ?
H:Tomorrow is another day !evenyou have thelast secondto live,youshould be alive ,not only for me , but for ourlove !
X:doyouwant melivealifeinsuchasorrow way ? ok , ok , Ipromise I willbealive for you .but !youknow, Ihavenot timeleft ,but you have ,promisethatyou will be happy everyday !Youmustdome this honor… promise meyou will survive… that youwillnevergiveup… nomatter what happens… no matter howhopeless… promise me now ,andnever let go of that promise.
H: I promise .
X:Never let go .
H:Ipromise . Iwill never let go ,
X.I''''''''ll never letgo.（X死）
H:be alive !yeah , bealive ! bealivewithout ahendance !lifecanbechanceliketimecangotoback . thereisbeatifulsnowbutinsping , solifecancomefromthebeginning ! （H自刎，艱難的爬到X身邊死。音樂停。）
經典英語話劇劇本 （二）
旁白：It’s a cold evening. The Titanic has sunken. Rose, Jack and Oscar are on the life boat floating in the ocean. This is Jack. This is Rose and this is Oscar, her husband-to-be.（邊說邊介紹，三人坐在課桌上）
Oscar: Oh, honey~ Are you OK? （邊說邊將手搭上Rose肩）
Jack: She is my girl.（打開Oscar的.手）
Oscar: You are so cold.（脫下報紙披在R身上面向觀眾）what you wear, what you are.
Jack: What are you doing! （扔掉校服，脫下自己的羽絨服抖了抖，面向觀眾）BoSideng（波斯登）， warm and comfortable, it’s my choice.（將羽絨服披在Rose身上）
Rose:（向Jack）I love you.（向觀眾）But I love BoSideng more.
Oscar: Hey! She is my wife-to-be, who are you?
Jack: I am I. Wo de di pan wo zuo zhu（我的地盤我做主）。
Oscar: People on the Earth all know, She, and I, will go to New York to have our wedding. Rose: But now……
Jack: Don’t say any more! Take your knife out! （從口袋裏掏出鉛筆，緊握手中）
Oscar: Ok. Let’s go fighting! （同樣掏出鉛筆緊握手中）
Jack & Oscar: Fighting! （用鉛筆互戳）----小蜜蜂~
Rose: No, no, no! Please stop! （拉二人）（ J & O不小心將Rose推下桌子——落水）
Rose: Help, help!（Jack & Oscar將拉上Rose桌子）
Oscar: Honey, how are you?
Rose:（向觀眾）PiaoRou（飄柔）， just so confident~（甩頭發）
（Rose不小心推Oscar,Oscar落水） Oscar: Help, help!
Rose: Oh, no! （向Oscar伸手）（Jack抓過Rose的手，對視）
Jack:（唱）妳是我的玫瑰，妳是我的花…You are my life, you are my honey~
Rose: But……what about Oscar?
Jack: Don’t pay attention to him.
Rose: OK. Darling~ I love you, loving you, like mouse love rice~
旁白：At this time, Oscar has been far away……Jack and Rose are still floating in the ocean. It’s colder and colder.
Jack: Do you feel cold?
Rose: Yes. You see we are so lonely.
Jack: Don’t worry. I have this! （從口袋裏掏出打火機，並向觀眾展示）This is a magic DaHuoji（打火機）。（Jack按下打火機）（Superwoman上，胸前貼壹張紙，上書S）
Superwoman:（向觀眾）Do you know who am I? I am Superwoman! The famous Superman is my brother. I’m willing to help others.
Rose: Would you please help us get away from here?（Superwoman無視，面向Jack）
Superwoman: Oh, pretty boy~ Come here, I will save you.
Jack: Take my girl together.
Superwoman: No way!（Superwoman下）（Jack第二次按下打火機）
（Indian Princess上，向觀眾合掌問候）
Princess: I am a princess from India.
Rose: Would you please help us get away from here?
Princess: OK. I have a magic blanket, maybe it can take you away. Come on.（從口袋裏掏出圍巾）（Jack & Rose 嘗試伸出腳，Princess上下晃動圍巾）
Princess: Oh, no, it’s broken! My blanket! （邊說邊後退，漸遠）
（Indian Princess下）（Jack第三次還沒按，Harry Potter上，提著掃帚）
Harry: Yi? Where am I? （向觀眾）My name is Harry Potter. I’m from Hogwarts（霍格沃茨）。 I lose my way.
Rose: Would you please help us get away from here?
Harry: I really want to help you, but my ability is limited.（聳肩）
Jack:（憤怒地）Oh, my god! Go away at once! （指向前方）（Harry Potter下）
旁白：Suddenly, the life boat is shaking because Jack and Rose are too heavy.
Jack: Rose, listen to me. I love you, but I will leave you.The boat can’t support us for
a long time. You must live, so I will jump into the sea.
Rose: No, no, no. Jump or not jump, this is a question.
Jack: Then let the God decide it（二人低頭虔誠祈禱狀）
Rose: God will bless us.（Jack和Rose同時從身後伸出手來，包剪錘）
Jack & Rose: One two three!（Jack出錘子，Rose出包子）
Jack: I lose. You see, it’s God’s choice.（Rose連連搖頭）
Rose: Oh, no. Jack, Jack, why your name is Jack!
Jack: I wish you a happy life. Good-bye!（Jack跳下桌子，Rose伸手拉，未果）
Rose: You jump, I jump.（Rose跳下桌子，O未死， 繼續叫救命……）
（旁白唱my heart will go on,音樂起，全劇終。Jack & Rose跳舞，張開手臂經典動作作結。）。